When I left the blogging world last year things were in such turmoil. I was so hurt, you could have stuck a fork in me. I was absolutely done and out done for that matter. Grief was present and accounted for, it held silent court in my mind and heart, while I physically kept moving. Then when I thought I was “dealing” with griefs place in my life, I discovered serious cracks in the foundation of my marriage and ended a relationship.
Me and pain became ace boon coons.
We rolled together. Hung tough!
You know, you can look good on the outside and you can fool a lot of people. But you can’t fool God.
God saw my pain and he did nothing. Nothing. He did not rush in to save me. Instead, He waited on me to come to him and allow him to heal me from the inside out.
I was angry and bitter and wanted revenge. I wanted to make people hurt the way that I was hurting. That wouldn’t make me feel better though. It wouldn’t change the past. It wouldn’t create a brighter future for me. So, I forgave. Everyone. I dropped the grudges, and I started to feel better. And when those feelings of rage returned (it was a process) I started from square one and forgave everyone again. There’s a scripture that says you should forgive 7 times 70 (paraphrasing). So that’s what I’ve been doing.
Am I returning to the world of blogging? *shrugs*
But since I’ve been gone, I have grown so much. I seen the hand of God moving in my life in a major way.
I shared with you all that we had been blessed with a son. What I didn’t share, was that our son came on the heels of reconciliation between Ian and I.
I did not share, how even after being blessed to conceive him, carrying him came with surgeries, bed rest, and eventually a premature delivery.
I did not share, that while all these medical issues were taking place, I was in the last 2 semesters of school. I graduated with honors (cum laude) exactly 1 week after I had my son with a bachelors.
Life is funny. God has the craziest sense of humor, I tell ya. I mean who else could orchestrate these things.
Am I back?? For now I am here. I am no longer the Same Ole Patrice… I’ve changed and I am here.